There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
