If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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