On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
