I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
