I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
