Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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