we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
