I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
