I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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