We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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