Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
