He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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