I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
