i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
