At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
