I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
