i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
