I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
