I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
