So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
