NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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