omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
