She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
