if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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