You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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