You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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