Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
