the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
