happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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