is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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