im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
