She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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