Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
