I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
