just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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