so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
