i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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