He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
