is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love you. Go after that dick
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
