There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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