We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
