Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
