He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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