just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
