we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
