Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
