you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
