I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
