is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
