I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
