had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
