I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
