he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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