There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
