I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
