Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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