I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
