Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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