honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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