oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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