I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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