yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
