I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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