Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
