her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
