Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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