I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
